Congratulations! You just got engaged. The ring is barely over your knuckle and you’re already being hounded with questions like “Do you have a date in mind?” or “Have you looked at venues yet?” Sheesh. You blush, and say “We’re just going to take a few weeks to enjoy it before we start wedding planning!” In reality, you already feel behind, and Aunt Karen’s loaded questions aren’t helping. But where do you even begin? You’ve never done this before.

Take a deep breath. You’re not behind, 99% of newly engaged couples feel the same way you do. Before you get too far ahead of yourself, remember: this is supposed to be the most special time in your life. Where you can, let the experts mitigate your stress. From the perspective of a wedding venue day-of coordinator, here’s my guide to strategizing your search and nailing the perfect venue, with minimal stress.

Now take a deep breath. You’re going to enjoy this.

A stunning family style meal in an open air tent with a live band and views of the water? It sounds magical! But have you thought about logistics? When you’re diving into your wedding venue search, of course you don’t want to compromise things you’ve been dreaming of, but it’s also important to have realistic expectations. While a Saturday in September with an open bar might be ideal, your album in ten years won’t tell you what day of the week it was. If you and your partner agree on nonnegotiables before wedding venue tours, your odds of success and happiness are much higher.

Where to?

First things first, nail down your wedding destination. If logistics make sense and your budget allows for a weekend - whether local or destination - go for it. But if guests have to travel in any capacity, odds are they are going to have to take a day off of work anyway. If your people are jet setting, do your research on when flights are most cost-effective, and then maybe use the weekend to actually enjoy your destination with your guests. A Thursday night event leads into an epic wedding weekend, and a Monday event ties it all together.

Prioritize

Next, prioritize. What is most important to you?

Is it the size of your guest list? If so, make sure to do your research on venue capacity, and how many events per day are hosted there.
Is it the food? Maybe you have a caterer you’ve been eyeing for nearly a decade, but your dream venue requires an in-house caterer. Don’t wait until you’re on the venue tour to decide which is more important.
Is it photos? An experienced photographer who knows the venue/area and room in the timeline for photos is key.
If guest experience is most important to you, consider having a smaller-scale, more intimate event to leave room in the budget for catering upgrades, photo booth and live music. Let’s not forget the florals.

Being on the same page with your partner about priorities is so key to make sure that there is room in your budget for the things that actually matter. Cutting corners with things like cheaper vendors and DIY will actually make your day more stressful in the long run. If your venue doesn’t come with a day-of coordinator, plan to hire one. You don’t need to a super-involved wedding planner for the entirety of planning, but the more hands-on you are the day of your wedding, the less you can enjoy the moment.

Be realistic about availability

Wedding venues can be astronomically expensive, and it’s important to be 100% happy with all aspects before making such a big investment. Date availability is often a factor that causes couples to make decisions in haste. Be realistic in that venues can book over eighteen months in advance for prime weekend dates. If there is one Saturday in September left but you have some hesitations, don’t sign the contract if you’re unsure. If it does turn out to be the right fit, it will be just as magical on that first Monday in October. If it’s meant to be, it will be, just like your love story.

Keep an open mind

If you’re holding out for the perfect venue, you’re in for a long engagement. Too often I see couples miss an oppurtunity for a wedding of their dreams because they aren’t willing to compromise on small details, whether it be a 150 person guest count instead of 200, a Friday versus a Saturday, or a plated meal versus buffet. In the end, the photos don’t show how many appetizers were passed or what day of the week it was, so ask yourself; what is really the most important thing for my big day? Just like no relationship is perfect, there may not be a venue that fits your budget and checks every single box on the list you’ve been keeping since you were fifteen...but if it checks nine out of ten, your dream may just become a reality, and it’s closer than you think.